


Life After Death

by Farashe



Category: Mass Effect
Genre: F/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-02-05
Updated: 2015-02-05
Packaged: 2018-03-10 13:37:47
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 946
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/3292280
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Farashe/pseuds/Farashe
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Shepard makes her decision to destroy the Reapers, and she thinks about the man waiting for her on the Normandy and the one waiting for her across the sea.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Life After Death

Shepard pulled the trigger while tears streamed down her cheeks. She thought of EDI telling her that Shepard had taught her to be alive, and she thought of Legion, sacrificing himself so that the geth could become truly sentient. And here she was, knowingly killing them all. There were other choices, but not to her. The Crucible told her that the reapers harvested because that was their purpose and so just as you could not blame fire for burning, you could not blame them. But they were intelligent, damn it! Shepard could not buy the argument that they could not decide to become something else. The reapers were to blame. They had to be destroyed lest they use their power to continue the cycle.

And at least Shepard wouldn’t be around to deal with the repercussions. It was a cowardly thought, but true, nonetheless.

_“I can’t lose you again.”_ Kaidan’s voice whispered in her mind.

“I’m sorry, Kaidan. I love you,” she said aloud, her voice barely more than a hoarse whisper. Then she fired again, the last time. Everything was bathed in red light.

And it ended.

\---

The sound of the ocean was peaceful. The rhythmic crash of waves soothed her. She hadn’t ever spent much time by the ocean. Her family had taken a few trips to the seaside on Mindoir, but she had been too young then to appreciate the calm. Now, calm was so tempting, but it was a luxury she couldn’t afford.

Why?

She frowned slightly. There was something she was supposed to be doing, wasn’t there? She couldn’t remember, yet somehow it was important.

“Siha,” a nearby voice said. It was a deep, warm voice that soothed her even more than the waves. And it was also familiar.

“Open your eyes, Siha,” the voice ordered.

Open her eyes? They felt heavy, but if that deep, familiar voice wanted her to, she would. She opened her eyes. The sky above her was a clear blue. She took a deep breath and sat up. The waves of the ocean lapped at beach almost reaching her feet.

Thane knelt beside her.

Thane.

She remembered now.

Knowledge and memory and feeling came rushing back. And yet, it was all somehow muted. She knew what she had done, what had happened, but it had a distant quality to it.

“Siha?” Thane’s voice broke her from her reverie.

She smiled at him. “Thane.” She lifted a hand to his face. He grabbed it and pressed his lips to her palm then pulled her to him drawing her into his arms.

“I suppose this means I’m dead,” she murmured into his shoulder.

“Ah,” Thane replied pulling away slightly. “Perhaps.”

“Perhaps?” Death seemed like it must be one or the other. “Here I am, with you, across the sea.”

“I believe you could still live if you wished to, Siha.”

“I…” Shepard stopped, unsure of what to say. Suddenly she felt tired. The war had gone on so long, and she had lost so much, sacrificed so much. She thought of Ashley and Mordin and Legion. The batarian colony destroyed by the alpha relay, the destruction of the fledgling geth. EDI. She was responsible for so much death. It weighed her down like an anchor. She sagged against Thane, suddenly unable to support that responsibility. She was not strong enough.

Thane’s arms were firm but gentle around her, supporting her. She closed her eyes and let the rhythm of the ocean and the beat of Thane’s heart soothe her. There was so much peace here. And love. She craved those things. She wanted so badly to set down her burden. She pulled back enough to look into Thane’s eyes, about to make the decision that would let them stay here together, forever.

_“I can’t lose you again.”_

Kaidan’s voice in her head once more. She could see him again in her mind’s eye. His features desperate and anguished, his touch that of a man grasping at the one thing keeping him afloat. Could she really leave him again?

But if she went back, she would be abandoning Thane again.

Tears welled up in her eyes making Thane’s face a wavering blur.

“Oh, Siha. Shepard.” He wiped a tear from her cheek. “I understand about Kaidan Alenko. I love my Irikah and always will. There is room in our hearts for as many as we allow.”

“I don’t want to leave you, Thane.”

“When I first felt your presence on Illium, before I knew who you were, I still felt your vitality. It was your life that awoke me from my battle sleep. The fire in your soul called to me, Siha. I knew that our time would be short, but it didn’t matter. The only thing that would break my heart would be for you to lose yourself. Only then will I truly lose you. Live, Siha, if you can. I will wait.” He smiled at her.

“I don’t deserve you, Thane.” She stroked his cheek gently. “You see so much in me that I can’t find myself. When I met you… I was broken. You helped me find myself again.” She cupped his face between both of her hands. “I love you, Thane. I always will.”

“As I love you, Shepard. My Siha.” He leaned forward and kissed her.

The kiss held both warmth and sadness, but no bitterness, only love. And when Shepard finally pulled away for a breath, Thane was gone, and her body burned with pain as she inhaled and her heart ached with the knowledge of what she had done.

But as she slipped into unconsciousness, she smiled. She was alive, after all.

**Author's Note:**

> I just really wanted to think about what was actually going through my Shep's head as she made that final decision of the game. I hope you all enjoyed!


End file.
